Monday, July 5, 2021

Higgledy-Piggledy


This is my higgledy-piggledy garden-a what, you say? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary higgledy-piggledy means in a confused, disordered or random manner. That's my garden, for sure, but I've done it this way on purpose.

For years I've wanted to be the type of gardener that finds pleasure and healing in working in the dirt, the person that gets lost in the plants and looks up to find darkness descending. That has been quite a struggle-too often gardening was merely a chore and more the idea of working in the yard, as we said in Texas. Weeding for fun? Not for me.

Until...I began to notice the flower gardens of a couple of my friends (Doug and Debbie, that's you). Each had a contained space which was a repository for cuttings and transplants from others, end-of-season annuals and perennials, and plants that would self-seed year after year. No formal borders, no graduated heights. In short, a beautiful higgledy-piggledy display.

I loved these gardens and when we moved to Maryland I asked Bill to dig up a space for one as a birthday gift. As you might imagine that is a lot to ask for, but two years ago my dear husband did just that. The first year was spent getting the soil ready, weeding, removing rocks and planting a big red rose bush that blooms all summer. At this point it was starting to feel like a chore, sadly.

And then the pandemic happened and I had time, lots of it. A neighbor gave me iris, I planted leftover Easter lilies from church, I went to garden centers and bought just what I liked with no thought of color scheme or blooming schedule. I began to be that person that goes out to weed for pleasure!

As you can see from the photo above it really does look a mess, but that's exactly how I want it. Most days in the late afternoon I spend some blissful time checking on it-trimming, weeding, watering, clipping blooms for a bouquet. I sit down in one of the blue chairs and just look.



Lately I've been thinking of my life in terms of higgledy-piggledy.  Director of Music at an Episcopal church, accompanist for a community chorale, spiritual director, retreat leader, devoted wife of 38 years, mother of dear Emily, Nana to 3 beloved grandchildren, daughter whose role is quickly changing, fortunate friend of many.  Sometimes I struggle to keep my life's garden watered, weeded and trimmed. And I wonder is it too full?

As far as the flower garden goes, though, Moxie is always there to help and here he is in the nasturtiums.



Monday, June 21, 2021

Beauty

 The heavens bear witness to your wonders, O Lord

                                                              (Psalm 89: 5)



Mount Desert Island, Maine


Tuckahoe State Park, Maryland


Pikes Peak, Colorado


My garden, Maryland

As Mother Earth screams for attention, I contemplate her beauty and wisdom, and I grieve.


Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Quiet Mystery


 The clouds and light this morning colluded to from this impressionistic photo of the Tuckahoe River.  It looks as if I've used some sort of filter or edit function, but I don't even know how to do that.  The photo describes how I've felt the past few months-murky, dark, the line between reality and fantasy unclear.  Every day a step out into a world in which I am a stranger.  Waiting, waiting.

Can it be that we will make it thru the pandemic? That we will go to the grocery without fear, sing together, hug our loved ones? Hope is drifting in around the edges-a quiet mystery that I feel it yet don't quite trust. The anxiety that waiting brings seems all the more intense.

And yes, there have been silver linings to this enforced time of isolation.  Less rushing, more time for reading and gardening, gentle evenings with my husband.  I want to carry these forward as we go back to "normal."

Our world is reeling from so much loss.   Let us practice compassion and work for the common good, sustained by what unites us.


Days pass when I forget the mystery

Problems insoluble and problems offering

their own ignored solutions

jostle for my attention, they crowd its antechamber

along with a host of diversions, my courtiers, wearing

their colored clothes; cap and bells.

                     And then

once more the quiet mystery

is present to me, the throng's clamor

recedes: the mystery

that there is anything, anything at all,

let alone cosmos, joy, memory, everything,

rather than void: and that, O Lord,

Creator, Hallowed One, You still,

hour by hour sustain it.

                                           "Primary Wonder" by Denise Levertov



Monday, February 15, 2021

Thin Place

 



Perhaps you are familiar with the idea of thin places, where one feels as if they have one foot on the earth and one foot in heaven.  It can happen in so many life situations and I myself have felt that way many times. From being held by a loved one to walking the cliffs of Inis Mor Island, it is a powerful, other worldly experience. And now, as I await the birth of a new grandchild, I am in a thin place once again.

Early on the morning of February 17 our granddaughter is scheduled to be born in Colorado.  This knowing that a new being will enter the world 2 days from now is a thin place for me.  The earthly part is substantial-surgery, with all the preparation, risk and recovery it involves.  And the heavenly? That's more difficult to wrap my mind around, but my heart knows it is true.  A new little person, one of God's beloved, is on her way.

How well I remember the first time I saw Zev and Ari.  For Zev, I walked up the outside stairs, schlepping my luggage, and standing in the door was my beautiful daughter holding her newborn boy. A piece of heaven, my heart overflowing.  And Ari?  Bill and I held him the day he was born. What else can I say? New life, firsthand.

This time we are 1600 miles away and due to Covidtide I will not be able to go and be with them.  I grieve, I pray, I look forward to holding her, and I wait, in this thin place.




Monday, February 1, 2021

Ode to Wendell Berry

 



When I despair I gather myself,

put the dog on a leash and

head out the door.


Walking thru a grassy field

I hurry

to the creek.


Hundreds of geese are honking

as they welcome each other back

from a day in the fields.


Overhead the buzzards circle

before smoothly landing

in just one lone pine.


I like to think they are

settling in for teatime

or happy hour.


This is the setting each winter

no matter the pandemic,

the unrest,

my personal despair.


Life goes on as I continue

to take comfort from

the routines of nature,

of which I am a part.


                                Inspired by Wendell Berry's The Peace of Wild Things